I can’t starve myself.
No matter how pretty the book jacket, handsome the doctor or cute the
packaging, if deprivation is at the core of a regimen or lifestyle, it’s not
going to work long-term for me or anyone else with a beating heart. Unless
you’ve got a little crack stash in your purse, you won’t fare well with hunger.
Take it from someone who tried it first in the 6th grade, and then again in
high school, and probably a few times in college – hunger equals failure. Trust
me, I was 30 pounds heavier (sometimes a little more) when I screwed around
with deprivation. It messes with your mind and your metabolism. And it makes
you a little sad. Or permanently pissed
off. Either way, not worth it.
The Clean Program
isn’t exactly a piece of cake, but it’s a hell of a lot easier than being
hungry or frustrated with unexplained physiological changes. You have to wrap
your head around a few temporary habits (most notably, the absence of chewing
in the morning and at night) and hopefully adjust to some that will become new
lifestyle choices. The “holy shit” moments when you discover what has been
causing heart burn or constipation or mood swings for 15 years make the
uncomfortable moments well worth it. You might get a few headaches or be
inconsolable every morning when you first ditch the coffee, but in return for
your sacrifice you get a front row seat to the most engrossing science
experiment you can imagine. It was
fascinating to watch what was happening to my body as I removed all the gunk
that was clouding my self-awareness during recovery and in some cases, for
years before. In the end I enjoyed an unprecedented level of clarity around the
interdependent relationship between food, alcohol, sleep, stress, exercise and
elimination that I pray I don’t lose as time wears on.
You begin with an
elimination period, during which you remove common allergens and toxic triggers
including gluten, dairy, nightshades, corn, soy, peanuts, red meat, processed
meats, alcohol, sugar and more. (I know you’re thinking “what the hell can I
eat?!” Put down the Cheetos and read the book before freaking out. ) Your next
step is to transition to liquid meals in the morning and evening. You’ll be
surprised by how fulfilling these high protein, high (good) fat, high fiber,
extremely nutrient dense smoothies and soups are. You can have fresh juices in
between “meals” and snacks like apples with almond butter or raw veggies and
hummus if you need more. Your solid meal (at lunch) might be grilled chicken
with mango and wild rice (a favorite of mine) or lamb skewers with apple and
onion (another favorite.)
The first few days
will range from a little tough to terribly miserable, depending on how many
toxins are in your pre-existing diet. I have an uncommon amount of allergies
and because I don’t love acne, rashes and weeks of constipation, I avoid dairy,
gluten and processed foods as much as I can stand to. The first 3 days for me
mostly included sugar cravings, random sneezing fits and a desperate need for
naps I obviously didn’t have the time to take. I also missed chewing a lot in
days 2-3. Beyond that, the “withdrawal period” was kind of like PMS –
inconvenient and irritating, but not life-altering. If you are used to 3 cups
of coffee every morning, 2 glasses of wine every night, pizza or burger lunches
followed by afternoon fro-yo, a cigarette or two after dinner and ice cream in
front of the TV before bed, you might have black-outs and seizures in the
withdrawal period. That may or may not be an exaggeration, but if that’s your
jumping off point, the first few days will be more difficult for you than they
are for people that have healthier, cleaner habits to begin with. Just sayin.
While you’re eating
amazing whole foods like fresh fruits and veggies, seeds, nuts, quinoa, wild
game, fish and more and drinking unexpectedly satisfying smoothies and soups,
you take some supplements and drink beverages like lemon water or “Natural
calm” to help the process along. You’re also to ensure you get enough sleep,
hydrate well, exercise more moderately, poop every day, and always leave a 12
hour window between your last meal of the previous day and your first meal of
the day. You’re also encouraged to do some optional activities that help your
body cleanse, restore and rejuvenate its systems. Meditation, massages,
laughter, wellness education, journaling, and more massages were my favorite
additions. In essence, you take amazing care of yourself for about a month.
It’s a total labor of love - just for you.
Along the way you’ll
likely experience peculiar side-effects that are less bothersome and more
encouraging. They underscore the effects of what we consume on our bodies and
almost restore your faith in the theories as you move forward. I was like a
poster child for the mild side-effects and I freakishly enjoyed that. It
validated what I was doing and made me feel increasingly excited for what came
next. If the book was so right about the wild vivid dreams, headaches, and
sleep patterns, those stories about the glowing skin, energy surges, clockwork
regularity, mood stabilization and clarity must be true too! And they were.
By the end of the Clean
Program, I felt healthier, stronger, more in control of my body and more
comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. Yes, I’ve done a lot of prep work
over the past 10 years, but I believe the program pushed me over the threshold
to a new level of feeling in tune with my physical and emotional needs. It gave
me the nudge I needed to return to being kind to myself, inside and out. The lymphatic
swelling I’ve had in my right leg for over 2 years dissipated to almost
nothing. Miraculously, the spinal and peripheral nerve pain I’ve grown
accustomed to was reduced to a quiet hum at worst. My digestion has finally become
as predictable as my morning alarm. I left the house one morning and turned to
B and said “my skin hasn’t looked this good since I was a baby.” I was very
serious. He agreed. My hair and nails felt stronger, my skin tighter. The
puffiness under my eyes went away, as did the lingering water retention and bloat
I experience from cheating with dairy and wheat. I could go on and on.
Trust the “tried
everything once former fat kid.” There are no quick fixes with weight loss or
whatever it is that ails you. There are band-aids, yes, but the most logical,
intuitive approaches to wellness are the ones that will work long term. Whether
or not you decide to try the Clean Program, start with small changes and build
upon them at a pace that is comfortable for you. Do the best that you can with
the body you were born with, the resources you have access to and the means at
your disposal. Set realistic but ambitious goals so you aren’t setting yourself
up to fail but you feel triumphant and proud of yourself when you reach
milestones or start to feel the benefits of your healthier choices. Whatever
you do, make a commitment to yourself. Ultimately, that’s what it’s all about.
Commitment. If you can manage to honor a commitment to your mental and physical
well-being at least most of the time, the rest will follow. It really will.
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