Irish Elf

I don’t like anything getting in the way of my holiday cheer. I’m a bit of a Christmas professional; I look at the month of December as something to prepare for, both mentally and physically. Each year, I aim to be rested, energized and in full holiday spirit by Thanksgiving. For a girl who works her butt off and lives thousands of miles from most of her family and childhood friends, I crave, love and enjoy the days between Thanksgiving and New Year’s like the proverbial fat kid does cake. I take pains to lighten my workload so I can maximize every opportunity to connect with much-missed loved ones, celebrate a year of hard work and soak up every ounce of goodwill and human kindness as fuel for the coming year.  There are a few things that threaten the sanctity of Christmastime though; regardless of how we plan for and enjoy the holidays, they still can be a source of stress and tension. If there’s one thing this Irish elf has learned, it’s that you’ve got to strike the right balance of precautionary measures and damage control to have a fulfilling season every year. Below are some tips and tricks that have proved increasingly valuable to me as I get older. Although some are almost ridiculously simple and, at first glance, intuitive, if you’re a woman, it’s highly likely you need to be reminded often of the importance of caring for yourself FIRST.

1.       Sleep. It’s supremely important. Lack of sleep affects our mood stability, cognitive ability, metabolism and in my experience, ability to maintain perspective. If you’re exhausted, find a way to get the rest you need. Ask for help, ship the kids off to the mall, and sedate your husband with wine if you have to. Just get your head on that pillow so you don’t feel like you’re wearing muddy glasses all month long instead of rose-colored ones. If you’re reaction to this recommendation is “Who has time for sleep?!” you probably need it more than anyone.  

2.       Eat. Nourish yourself. If you’re bouncing from daycare drop-off to work to the mall to the dry-cleaner to daycare to the grocery store before the sun sets, you need sufficient energy to power your body through the run-around and nourishment to keep you sane. Lots of healthy fats and proteins help do both. No need to make a gourmet meal, try making a smoothie the night before and grab it on your way out in the morning. (See below for a yummy Gingerbread Smoothie recipe I created this week!) Keep your purse, car, office stocked with raw unsalted nuts, fresh seasonal fruit, raw veggies and hummus, hard-boiled eggs, and other simple, whole, healthy snacks.

3.       Listen. Slow down long enough to respond to indications that you need a break or a moment for yourself. If you’re freaking out over lost scissors and Scotch tape, put the wrapping paper down and take a walk or draw a bath, but don’t wait until you’re past boiling point and freak out on the next caroler that rings your bell.

4.       Indulge mindfully. No one wants to deprive themselves during the holidays, but over-indulging will do as much damage as under-nourishing. Unless you want to put your mood and energy in a tailspin, go easy on the sugar and alcohol especially.  You’re far more likely to respond to stressful triggers if you eat every heavy appetizer put under your nose and wash them all down with chocolate martinis. Sugar cravings, binge-induced self-loathing and killer hangovers lead to holiday bulge, not holiday cheer.  Moderation is always more difficult for me this time of year, but when I can manage to be selective with my Christmas Party indulgences and balance them out with healthy, nourishing meals at home, I inevitably feel more energetic, stable and a little proud of myself too.

5.       Be kind. And gentle. If and when you’ve overdone it, don’t punish yourself by skipping meals or hammering a double cheeseburger. Your body needs the right amount, and right kind, of energy to flush out toxins after a night of eggnog and peppermint fudge. If you went to town on the greasy apps and drinks yesterday, be gentle on your system today. Skip coffee and aim for low – no added sugar. Start with a smoothie that has protein, healthy fats, fiber and greens in it in the morning. Try drinking green juices between small, simple meals like sautéed greens with grilled chicken breast or pureed vegetable soup with a small side salad. The more nutrient dense liquids you can consume the better – your taxed system will be able to absorb and replenish nutrients without having to work overtime.

In a (chest)nutshell, taking good care of yourself and being kind to your body (at least on most days) makes a difference in the way we experience life, and it can make a remarkable difference in the way we experience the holidays.  You’ll be far better equipped to handle the in-law landmine navigation, familial expectations and packed calendar if you put yourself in a position to enjoy the things that make all the hustle and bustle worth every cent and lost hour of sleep. No other time of year affords us as many opportunities to enjoy the life, family and friends with which we’ve been blessed. Why not ensure you can make the best of it?

Lizzie O’s Gingerbread Smoothie

1 Cup unsweetened plain almond milk
¼ Cup raw pecans
1 Scoop Plant Fusion plain protein (or other plain plant-based protein powder)
1 Cup baby kale or spinach
½ Tablespoon chia seeds
1 Teaspoon alcohol free vanilla extract (I love Frontier Naturals)
1 Tablespoon unsulfured black strap molasses
1 Teaspoon ground ginger
½ Teaspoon cinnamon
Pinch ground cloves
Pinch allspice

Combine all ingredients in a high speed blender (always start with wet ingredients at the bottom for easier blending.) Blend until spinach or kale is completely pulverized. Enjoy!

"Comfort" Smoothie and Product Recommendations

I am without a doubt an emotional eater. Always have been. Given the fact that I have a vagina, there's a good chance I always will be. With increased awareness around my tendency to bury emotions I can't handle in a pint of ice cream I can't digest, I've spent some time seeking out healthier "comfort foods."

Once in a while I create something that seems to yield an equal amount of instant gratification/comfort/release to Peanut M&Ms or Suzie Cake's Celebration Cake. I perfected this smoothie recipe over a particularly stressful 2 weeks this past summer, and the result was without a doubt, comfort on the tip of my tongue. (It also happens to have vegan protein, fiber, healthy fats and a super food!)

4 Oz Coconut water*
4 Oz Unsweetened plain almond milk*
1/2 Very ripe banana (peeled - I let a few bananas get really ripe then peel, half, individually wrap and freeze to make smoothie making as fast as possible!)
1Tbsp Jem Maca Almond Butter * (This stuff is like crack. It's worth finding or ordering online.)
1 Tbsp Frontier Naturals Alcohol Free Vanilla*
Dash Cinnamon
1 Tbsp Hemp protein*
1 Tbsp Pea protein*
1 Tbsp Chia seeds
Optional: 4 Drops alcohol free stevia* (this makes it pretty sweet)
Optional: Toss in a handful or 2 of spinach. You can't really taste spinach in smoothies, so why not!?

Put all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth and creamy. Add more vanilla or stevia to taste, although you shouldn't need either if your banana is nice and ripe.


*PRODUCT RECOMMENDATIONS: Through a great deal of trial and error, sticker shock and nutrition label lament, I've found the healthiest, cleanest versions of the below ingredients. Keep in mind, home made or "whole" is always best, but let's be honest, we've got to do the best we can with the time we have!

• Where to Source: I've become obsessed with Vitacost.com. They ALWAYS undercut Whole Foods (not that hard,) Real Foods (San Francisco chain, so not that hard either) and often Amazon (I find that impressive!) on dried herbs and spices, prepared foods, supplements, extracts, teas and pretty much all non-perishable crunchy specialty goods.
• Almond Milk: I highly recommend finding a no-sugar-added almond milk with as short an ingredient list as possible. Engine 2 is my favorite brand, and 365 Organics is a close second. There's a terrifying amount of added sugar and funky fillers in a lot of the other brands out there so read your labels to avoid excess sugar and additives.
• Vanilla Extract: Laugh if you will, but I believe a good vanilla extract makes or breaks a lot of smoothies. Without high temperatures to cook off alcohol, using a regular extract can make your smoothies taste bitter, or worse, boozey. Go for an alcohol-free version for raw foods and smoothies, in my opinion Frontier Naturals is by far the best. Snag the 16 Oz. size on Vitacost.com - trust me, you'll need all 16 ounces once you discover how yummy it is.
• Stevia: There are a lot of stevia products on the market now and they are not all created equal. You want to be sure you purchase pure stevia root extract that isn't cut with other sweeteners. Again, I prefer alcohol free in raw foods and smoothies to avoid the bitter/boozey taste of the alcohol-based extracts. NuNaturals is my favorite brand for stevia.
• Vegan Proteins (when you aren't cleansing): My favorite "pure protein" powders are Navitas Naturals Hemp Protein (I find this is the least "chalky" of the plant based proteins out there) and Pea Protein (a little chalky, but relatively mild). They are both very low calorie and have few/no additives. 
• Vegan Proteins: (with added supplements for cleansing periods or to use in meal replacement shakes): Plant Fusion (Original) or Vega Chocolate Sport (I don't like Vega Vanilla - too artificial tasting)
• Coconut Water: This really is based on personal preference, (I prefer Zico,) but whatever you select, make sure there's no sugar or other fruit juice added)
• Almond Butter: For most of my smoothies, I love Once Again Crunchy or I'll settle for 365 Brand as a back-up. For "comfort smoothies" or sometimes as a treat on brown rice bread, I go for the Jem Maca Almond Butter. I can't begin to tell you how amazing this stuff is, you've got to try it yourself. Try to ignore the price in anticipation of raw food bliss. Even if its just one time ;)

5 Reasons to Binge-Watch "Orange is the New Black" ASAP

It somehow manages to be socially relevant, culturally provocative and a guilty pleasure. I can’t remember the last time a TV drama inspired binge-watching the same way this Netflix series did. I also don’t think I’ve ever reflected on both our inability to overcome tribal instincts in favor of humanitarianism and the profoundly corrupt American correctional system all in the span of 1 week.

Piper isn’t entirely unlike SJP’s Carrie on Sex & the City. She’s likable enough to identify with her at least on occasion, and when you can’t identify with her you still feel sympathy for her struggle.  She’s a modern-day “everywoman” just like Carrie. She’s also shallow, narcissistic and selfish enough that you can keep a safe, slightly judgmental distance from her in her darkest hours. Her character flaws are not your own, right? Or are they?

The characters are so cleverly developed that you begin to forget they don’t actually exist. I lived for the well-timed insight into each character’s true nature and clung to clues of what landed them in prison.  I was anxious to “get to know” each one better. Their stories unfold artfully, and before you know it you start to feel things for them. Anger, sadness, pity, disgust - as if these women are real and have affected your life somehow. 

Watching Piper devolve and evolve at the same time forces you to consider what kind of person you might be if you too were stripped of your perceived identity, security blankets and everything that makes you feel happy and whole. If you were thrown into a pit with a mix of sheep in wolves clothing, wolves in uniform and plain old crazy-ass tigers, would you start to act like an animal too?  Your answer will be different after you watch the whole series.

On that note. You end up more creeped out by your own self realizations than Piper’s. The writers do a phenomenal job of challenging viewers to acknowledge how easily one of the many stupid mistakes we’ve made in our lives could have landed us in prison. We are all at the mercy of fate, law enforcement, timing, privilege - and there is potential injustice in all of aforementioned. 

Screw Hunger! (More on the Clean Program)

I can’t starve myself. No matter how pretty the book jacket, handsome the doctor or cute the packaging, if deprivation is at the core of a regimen or lifestyle, it’s not going to work long-term for me or anyone else with a beating heart. Unless you’ve got a little crack stash in your purse, you won’t fare well with hunger. Take it from someone who tried it first in the 6th grade, and then again in high school, and probably a few times in college – hunger equals failure. Trust me, I was 30 pounds heavier (sometimes a little more) when I screwed around with deprivation. It messes with your mind and your metabolism. And it makes you a little sad.  Or permanently pissed off. Either way, not worth it.

The Clean Program isn’t exactly a piece of cake, but it’s a hell of a lot easier than being hungry or frustrated with unexplained physiological changes. You have to wrap your head around a few temporary habits (most notably, the absence of chewing in the morning and at night) and hopefully adjust to some that will become new lifestyle choices. The “holy shit” moments when you discover what has been causing heart burn or constipation or mood swings for 15 years make the uncomfortable moments well worth it. You might get a few headaches or be inconsolable every morning when you first ditch the coffee, but in return for your sacrifice you get a front row seat to the most engrossing science experiment you can imagine.  It was fascinating to watch what was happening to my body as I removed all the gunk that was clouding my self-awareness during recovery and in some cases, for years before. In the end I enjoyed an unprecedented level of clarity around the interdependent relationship between food, alcohol, sleep, stress, exercise and elimination that I pray I don’t lose as time wears on.

You begin with an elimination period, during which you remove common allergens and toxic triggers including gluten, dairy, nightshades, corn, soy, peanuts, red meat, processed meats, alcohol, sugar and more. (I know you’re thinking “what the hell can I eat?!” Put down the Cheetos and read the book before freaking out. ) Your next step is to transition to liquid meals in the morning and evening. You’ll be surprised by how fulfilling these high protein, high (good) fat, high fiber, extremely nutrient dense smoothies and soups are. You can have fresh juices in between “meals” and snacks like apples with almond butter or raw veggies and hummus if you need more. Your solid meal (at lunch) might be grilled chicken with mango and wild rice (a favorite of mine) or lamb skewers with apple and onion (another favorite.)

The first few days will range from a little tough to terribly miserable, depending on how many toxins are in your pre-existing diet. I have an uncommon amount of allergies and because I don’t love acne, rashes and weeks of constipation, I avoid dairy, gluten and processed foods as much as I can stand to. The first 3 days for me mostly included sugar cravings, random sneezing fits and a desperate need for naps I obviously didn’t have the time to take. I also missed chewing a lot in days 2-3. Beyond that, the “withdrawal period” was kind of like PMS – inconvenient and irritating, but not life-altering. If you are used to 3 cups of coffee every morning, 2 glasses of wine every night, pizza or burger lunches followed by afternoon fro-yo, a cigarette or two after dinner and ice cream in front of the TV before bed, you might have black-outs and seizures in the withdrawal period. That may or may not be an exaggeration, but if that’s your jumping off point, the first few days will be more difficult for you than they are for people that have healthier, cleaner habits to begin with.  Just sayin.

While you’re eating amazing whole foods like fresh fruits and veggies, seeds, nuts, quinoa, wild game, fish and more and drinking unexpectedly satisfying smoothies and soups, you take some supplements and drink beverages like lemon water or “Natural calm” to help the process along. You’re also to ensure you get enough sleep, hydrate well, exercise more moderately, poop every day, and always leave a 12 hour window between your last meal of the previous day and your first meal of the day. You’re also encouraged to do some optional activities that help your body cleanse, restore and rejuvenate its systems. Meditation, massages, laughter, wellness education, journaling, and more massages were my favorite additions. In essence, you take amazing care of yourself for about a month. It’s a total labor of love - just for you.

Along the way you’ll likely experience peculiar side-effects that are less bothersome and more encouraging. They underscore the effects of what we consume on our bodies and almost restore your faith in the theories as you move forward. I was like a poster child for the mild side-effects and I freakishly enjoyed that. It validated what I was doing and made me feel increasingly excited for what came next. If the book was so right about the wild vivid dreams, headaches, and sleep patterns, those stories about the glowing skin, energy surges, clockwork regularity, mood stabilization and clarity must be true too! And they were.

By the end of the Clean Program, I felt healthier, stronger, more in control of my body and more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. Yes, I’ve done a lot of prep work over the past 10 years, but I believe the program pushed me over the threshold to a new level of feeling in tune with my physical and emotional needs. It gave me the nudge I needed to return to being kind to myself, inside and out. The lymphatic swelling I’ve had in my right leg for over 2 years dissipated to almost nothing. Miraculously, the spinal and peripheral nerve pain I’ve grown accustomed to was reduced to a quiet hum at worst. My digestion has finally become as predictable as my morning alarm. I left the house one morning and turned to B and said “my skin hasn’t looked this good since I was a baby.” I was very serious. He agreed. My hair and nails felt stronger, my skin tighter. The puffiness under my eyes went away, as did the lingering water retention and bloat I experience from cheating with dairy and wheat. I could go on and on.

Trust the “tried everything once former fat kid.” There are no quick fixes with weight loss or whatever it is that ails you. There are band-aids, yes, but the most logical, intuitive approaches to wellness are the ones that will work long term. Whether or not you decide to try the Clean Program, start with small changes and build upon them at a pace that is comfortable for you. Do the best that you can with the body you were born with, the resources you have access to and the means at your disposal. Set realistic but ambitious goals so you aren’t setting yourself up to fail but you feel triumphant and proud of yourself when you reach milestones or start to feel the benefits of your healthier choices. Whatever you do, make a commitment to yourself. Ultimately, that’s what it’s all about. Commitment. If you can manage to honor a commitment to your mental and physical well-being at least most of the time, the rest will follow. It really will.

Clean Program Part 2

I ordered “Clean” by Dr. Alejandro Junger on Amazon and began reading it within a few days. By the time I picked up that book, it had been 8 months since surgery, my wedding was 3 months away, I was still in pain every day and my body simply did not feel like my own. I wanted to dance at my wedding without fearing the price I might pay for a twist or dip into my fiancé's arms. I wanted to feel like myself again and eliminate the temptation of old familiar habits and comforting myself with food. I was sick of feeling weak and vulnerable. I had a lot of healing to do.  I remember reading the book’s subtitle, “The Revolutionary Program to Restore the Body’s Natural Ability to Heal Itself” and thinking, “yes please.”

The book opens with powerful stories of healing and dramatic health changes that were surprising enough to me to inspire nothing but skepticism at first. But I kept reading (I was really in that “I’ll try anything” place,) and eventually I got to a point where I kept nodding my head at the book like a weirdo (by myself on the bus,) or widening my eyes with childlike excitement (which B found rather entertaining.) Once I got through enough of the anecdotal evidence, read about Dr. Junger’s personal experiences with stress, diet and lifestyle, and skimmed over the familiar basics on toxicity, I thought “Jesus. This makes a lot of sense.” (Full disclosure: you’re not going to politically or philosophically agree with everything the guys says. And in my opinion, you don’t have to. That would just be bizarre. But try to keep an open mind and entertain the idea that he is on to something.)  

In summary, Dr Junger’s theory is that we create a war zone in our bodies by consuming processed, inflammatory, acidic  - or in a nutshell, harmful – food and beverages. Then we slather synthetic, funky stuff on top of our bodies, in our hair, on our faces. Throw in toxic substances in our homes (cleaning products, etc,) coming out of our cars and in the air we breathe. Our bodies spend so much energy fighting all these internal, external and environmental battles, that we are ill-equipped to face disease, illness, stress or even silly things like food poisoning. We’re a bunch of sad sacks with overwhelmed bodies and overwhelmed minds. 

“Clean” challenges you to remove as many of the above barriers to overall health and well-being over a 21-30 day process that requires mindfulness, discipline and focus.  Wipe your slate clean so you can have a clear, unadulterated understanding of what your body and mind need to operate as the well-oiled machine it is intended to be. Help the machine "remove, restore and rejuvenate" through a series of pretty simple behavior modifications. Sacrifice a bunch of crap your body doesn’t need anyway; instead nourish it with bold, bright, beautiful fruits and vegetables and wonderful things like wild game and ancient grains. Go easy on yourself while your body is doing the hard work of purging years of Twinkie plaque and ice cream mucus. Help the process along with long walks, steams, meditation, massages, plenty of sleep and rest.  Emerge  feeling like a superhero. Yes, a superhero. That is the only way to describe how I started to feel by day 6. There is no other word that could communicate the combination of energy, clarity, happiness and empowerment that this process yielded for me.

But, as is the case with anything worth anything in life, it isn’t easy. Or cheap. Or comfortable. Or fast. But boy does it work.

Next up: The Dirty Details and Why They’re Worth Dealing With (You didn’t think I’d be all “sunshine and roses” about it did you?)

The Clean Program: Part 1

Most of us are completely out of touch with our bodies. We’ve been drowning out the signals sent by our digestive and nervous systems for so long that it’s become difficult to isolate what ails us, and almost impossible to define solutions.  Every day, a million different factors stand between us and our optimal state of well-being. Work, stress, lack of sleep, familial and social demands, personal issues, poor diets and more prevent us from feeling strong, healthy and clear minded. We seem to save money and make time for everything and anything except what’s most important – proactively caring for ourselves.

To some people, recovery from spinal surgery might feel like a game of Chutes and Ladders crossed with a painfully slow round of Monopoly. To me, a physically and socially active, hard-working, always multi-tasking woman, it was more like water boarding. About 8 months after having back surgery, I was frustrated not only with the unexpected duration but with my inability to stay on track with my usual healthy diet and exercise routine throughout recovery. I tried like hell to keep my chin up and to keep perspective, but at times recovery felt like an endless stretch of undulating pain and frustration marked with milestones too small and far between to bear.  Just when I started to feel like myself again, I would have some setback or surge in nerve pain that sent me right to the Peanut M&M’s or if it was bad enough, Suzie cakes. I could have taken pain killers and zoned out in front of the TV, but that simply wasn’t an option for me. Instead I engaged in a tug-of-war with my pain and recovery – refusing to let it take anything away from me and demanding cupcakes as consolation.

I tried to ride it out with a smile on my face. God did I try. But the inconsistent results of my consistent focus and determination left me in uncharted territory. I felt completely and utterly powerless and that is not a position I do well in. I did my best to avoid old habits every time the pain crept back up or kept me awake at night, but as work intensified through the winter and my wedding countdown began, it became increasingly difficult to resist comforting myself with food (and then punishing myself with exercise or restricted eating.) I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I couldn’t fix myself and move on. For the first time in years, there were days when I was dangerously close to crossing the line between that weakened, vulnerable state and self-destructive. At a time in my life when I needed to be more in tune with my bodies needs than ever, I simply couldn't afford to wrap myself in the ironically suffocating comfort of old familiar habits. I knew I needed to do something dramatically different to pull myself out before I got in any deeper. I had come too far to sink back into those muddied waters.

I voiced my need to get back on track for good to a close girlfriend of mine after a weekend of debauchery in LA. She immediately suggested I look into the Clean Program. I entered the name into my phone's note pad and strolled out of the airport. Little did I know her recommendation would not only get me back on track with my diet and well-being, it would reduce my pain to almost non-existent, remedy some other minor nagging issues I had previously dealt with and most importantly, give me a sense of clarity and perspective I have never experienced before.

Take THIS Gwyneth Paltrow!

Anyone that’s ever read my blog knows that I’ve struggled a great deal throughout my life with body image and food issues. I was a chubby little girl, a fat kid, an overweight adolescent and a “curvy” young adult. I’ve shared some funny stories and made many a joke about my “fat kid days” now that I have created distance between that person and the one that is writing this, but the self loathing that tainted much of my youth and young adulthood was far from funny.

I have a great deal of empathy and compassion for any woman who struggles with loving her body or being kind to herself. I know how crippling and consuming it can be when you’re your own worst enemy. I know how much time, energy and education it takes to break the seemingly unending cycle with weight struggles. I understand that it takes a commitment to yourself and loved ones to get to a place where you can manage to treat yourself well as life propels you forward through each day as a student, career woman, wife, caretaker, sister, friend and everything in between.

When I moved to California I met a man who saw me the way I wanted to see myself. I also found myself in a place that made it tremendously easy to discover new ways to feel healthy and strong. That man and this place helped me realize that I could view myself and the world through a different lens.  They helped me see that I deserved to be happy. Somewhere around that time, I finally decided to be kinder to myself inside and out.

Now don’t get me wrong, I made that decision, but that doesn’t mean that I’m always successful. I’m still totally an emotional eater – you’ll find me on any airplane ride away from my sisters or best friends with a big bag of peanut M&M’s and usually some Swedish fish too.  I still have moments when I freak out over gaining a few pounds, even though I know by now that everything evens out eventually. Oh and I have to talk myself off a ledge when my pants get too tight. I don’t wake up hugging myself and smiling at my tummy rolls every day. But regardless of the peaks and valleys, one thing has remained a constant on this long and winding road to self love and acceptance. I ALWAYS continue to educate myself. I figure that if I can take one lesson away from every battle, if I can collect scalps of those bastard demons along the way, then I will be stronger and tougher and better to myself with each passing day.  (As disgusting as the mention of scalps is, it is an appropriate reference given how ugly things can get when you go to war with yourself.)

20 years of different diets and exercise regimes , 2 nutritionists, a naturopath, an acupuncturist, a Chinese herbalist, 3 douche bag therapists, a mean pediatrician, a dermatologist, a kid who moo’d at me in math class, endless books, blogs, magazines, diet gurus, yoga teachers, a few months in an outpatient program, some more books and the unconditional love of one man and one city morphed me into an open, honest, compassionate, very real, very well informed “health foodie.”  I’m like Gwyneth Paltrow with a sense of humor, saddle bags, a fat kid past and a little humility. I may not have her money, private chef, dedicated Pilates instructor and kids with “creative” names, but I do have a rock star husband. He just can’t sing like Chris Martin.

Although there’s no Gwyneth-style book in the works, I am going to start sharing more of the information, resources and lessons I’ve learned on my “try not to hate yourself for loving peanut M&M’s” journey. My girlfriends love hearing the tips and tricks that make eating and living healthy a little more manageable for your average Gwyn, and I love sharing. I just can’t fight it anymore; this kind of thing is simply my wheelhouse.

Gimme More

This week I discovered Gilt.com for cheap, treehugging former fat kids. And I love it. Yes, I can get a lot of the featured products just a few blocks away at Whole Paycheck, but something about throwing my hippie treats into a virtual cart and getting ripped on shipping makes for a more exciting experience. Spencers Market has my fave Living Intention nut mixes and Go Raw chips.

Also discovered this week: Call the Midwife. It's a new British comedy on PBS to tide over those of us who are suffering from Downton withdrawl. It's not quite as addictive, but it's enough to to stop the sober shakes.

The Bar Method

I was a chubby baby, a plump kid, and then a thin adolescent for about 15 minutes - until I got hungry. As I evolved into a young woman, I grew into an overweight adult. Through the years, I managed to lose some weight here and there, but always gained it back thanks to gross amounts of misinformation garnered from worthless magazines, a complete lack of self control around anything white and/or sweet, a weird shame/guilt complex, and a sluggish meat and potatoes Irish metabolism. Oh and a little bit of closet eating. I had just started to shift my focus to accepting the body I was apparently stuck with and was reaching for the white flag when my best friend suggested we try a new kind of workout class together. She had heard it was a little painful, but required no athleticism and was very effective. “Self-inflicted torture for klutzes?” I thought, “I’m in!”

By this point, I had tried everything from the classic cardio and weight training combo to boot camps, kick boxing, spinning, Tae Bo, yoga, swimming, group aerobics, walking, hiking, and combinations of some or all of the aforementioned. I had sweat and wheezed and stumbled my way through every form of exercise I could manage and read countless books about nutrition, diet, metabolism, fitness and body image issues. I was uncomfortable enough often enough to approach slimming down from a million different angles between the age of 11 and 26. And everything I tried, I tried damn hard. (Or so I thought.)

We went to our first Bar Method class in June of 2008 and although it felt terribly unnatural to force my body into graceful ballet positions and thrust my hips at the girl in front of me like I was in a bad 80’s MTV video, there were so many other things about the class that intrigued me and made me feel comfortable enough to come back and give it another go. I recognized a few of the positions and stretches from yoga and Pilates and had long admired the refined art of ballet – but the way the class flowed, the constant movement and quick pace, the application of concepts from the aforementioned, were all entirely unique and certainly new to me. The room was full of women of all shapes and sizes and ages, each of them boasted a different level of experience. Together they painted a picture of the potential stages of corporal transformation if the Bar Method became a practice, and their presence made newcomers, regulars and experts alike feel at ease. The teacher, who was almost irritatingly beautiful, her form perfectly long and lean and compact, delivered constant reassurance and gently provided constructive criticism throughout the hour class. As she led us through sets of lifting, pushups, planks, dips and calf raises I looked at my girlfriend and mouthed, “What did we get ourselves into?” In between sets of thigh work, I started peering over at the door longingly.

We went through every major muscle group and fatigued it to the point of shaking, burning and sometimes collapse, with painfully controlled movements and endless tiny pulses in first and second position and all sorts of positions I had never seen. Just when we thought it was over, the teacher, whose perfect butt was our only inspiration at that point, guided us into seat work. I wanted to slap the delicate features off her face and go home for some ice cream and a nap. My best friend and I rolled our eyes at each other and shook our heads in unison. Without uttering a word, we both knew the other was thinking, “She’s got to be joking.”

Within 36 hours of the 1 hour class, my entire body was surprisingly sore and countless muscles I had never worked very hard before or didn’t even know I had, were screaming. My thighs and butt ached for days and I couldn’t lift a pencil without wincing. I knew right away that anything that made you that sore had to be extremely effective. I went back a few days later, once I could put my underwear on without falling over from the pain of leaning on one leg and glut too long. I kept going back more and more frequently each week for the next two years.

I saw a difference within 3 weeks and although I feared it was just wishful thinking at first, the continued evolution from consistent practice confirmed that the transformation began almost immediately. I lost about 20 pounds of fat within 6 months of starting the class. There is no doubt in my mind that I would still be at the same weight I was in June 2008 if my best friend hadn’t brought me to that Bar Method class.

I always joked about feeling like the fat kid in gym class when faced with team sports or new physical challenges that required any coordination. What few people understood was that that sensation was less about actually feeling fat, and more about feeling weak, uncoordinated and unable to make my body do what I wanted it to do. The Bar Method has made me feel physically strong and able, and because that is something I can feel in every muscle of my body and quantify in pushups and crunches in class every week, it’s something even I can’t take away from myself. For me, that has been the most powerful and profoundly significant result. Feeling strong and confident enough to rise to new physical challenges for the first time in my life is amazing. Don’t get me wrong; the physical results are of course wonderful, but the novelty of smaller dress sizes and shorter shorts wears off quickly for someone who knows little about maintaining positive body image. But the novelty of feeling like the strong, determined, tough girl in gym class won’t ever wear off.